Continued from this post here… Crossing the Abyss with Leviathan – Death
I coughed… Gasping for breath and feeling a warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. It was warm out!! what??? .I was alive! I was on land!! my eyes shot open and I quickly looked around. I WAS ON LAND!!!! I was laying on a beach, there was a sun shining overhead and I felt warm. I was confused for a moment, what had all just happened, where was I?
“Feeling better?” I heard a voice behind me.
I slowly turned my head and there he was standing behind me. His long black hair glistening in sun and moving in the gentle breeze that was washing over the beach. His blue eyes gazing at me just observing. I watched him for a moment. I smiled at him. “Where were you this whole time?” I asked “I thought you would be guiding me?”
“I was there with you the whole time, you had to go through that part on your own, you were not seeing me, I was always there, you had to heal this in your heart through, you had to heal these emotions and choose to take the help that was all around you, choose to keep fighting, and choose to see what was unseen. It was your own perception that blinded you to the truth of what was all around you.”
I looked up at him and smiled, he was right, the Abyss is what we bring to it and what I brought was pain, anger, sorrow, fear, and denial, and that is exactly what I got handed to me. I let those states consume me and instead of following them and letting them guide me, I let them destroy me and take me out. I let my own hatred consume me and it drowned me. Mental Mastery, it is why we practise it, because in the Abyss these things happen.
I chose to surrender my power and that was why it went that way. I looked out over the calm sea, there were clouds in the sky, but there was also light. I could smell the ocean and the sea air as it flooded my senses. In that moment I felt happy.
“That is what it is all about.”
“Huh?” my concentration broken,
“Life, it is all about the little moments! the little lessons, you can shift this reality to anything that you desire, and you did, you shifted it to a place where you were very injured and very hurt, you choose to focus on the horrors that were around you but there was so much more. You have freedom now, you have direction, you have the ability to build and craft what it is that you desire. Mammon told you to follow that path, because any other path would not have lead you to where you wanted to go, now you can have it all you just have to see it and the path before you.”
I took a deep breath in and realizing he was right. I had surrendered my courage, my confidence and my strength, and only allowed the horrors to seep in.
Walking with demons, and sometimes walking these paths take us to places that test our soul, they test our strength and our determination. Mammon told me to do what he did because he believed in me, he believed I could do it, and he believed that in the end I would be forged into something more. I would find the strength and the courage in my soul and that is why I am writing this to you all now. This journey was painful and personal and honestly writing it and sharing it with the world is one of the scariest things I have done. My personal path is one I have kept in the shadows, only sharing bits and pieces because it was deemed so personal. Though the path I am walking is calling for more sharing, it is calling for more openness and also more strength from me.
Strength is not measured in the size of your muscles, it is measured in how you choose to keep going, how you choose to keep fighting no matter what is thrown at you, no matter what comes your way you stay the course, and you hold strong. I realized I wasn’t being tortured, I hadn’t been cursed, I had asked for all of this, and I got it all, I had to be in the place to receive what I asked for and that meant changing me and shifting my essence, this whole journey was designed to do that, shift me and prepare me to receive what it is I had asked for. Again I mused at the old warning “be careful what you wish for.”
I chuckled to myself, looking at Leviathan and sighing as the sun came out and its warmth shone down on me. The ocean looked so peaceful and so inviting now, such a contrast from the dark brooding storm that assaulted me earlier. It was the same ocean though, the same energies the same essence. The black waters glistened in the sunlight. Strength though, inner strength, that inner light can change everything around you, shifting your perspective and seeing things from a different angle can open up new doors and change the entire course of your life. It was all coming together in my mind, like a puzzle it was all snapping into place and I saw the picture before me. I burst into tears but it was not sad tears, it was tears of happiness and relief. I felt Leviathans hand on my back helping me through these emotions.
“You have one last ritual to preform” Leviathan smiled at me.
He took Dragon form and placed me on his back. Leaving the beach and swimming through the ocean. He didn’t dive under and I watched the ocean before me it really was beautiful and riding on Leviathans back I felt much safer then being in the boat, though I knew this also was a shift in my mindset, my mental state was fragile like my boat before, now it is not so and I felt the strength and the confidence coming back to me. I was enjoying the view, I saw a storm raging off in the distance, far away from where we were, though it didn’t matter, even if it arrived I knew I would endure, I had the Lord of the Abyssal Demons escorting me and I had myself back,
I felt another presence behind me. “Hi Azazel” I smiled
“Hi Akelta” he said back.
I didn’t look at him, I remembered all the horrible things I had said to him when I thought he disappeared and was gone. “ I am sorry..” I started but he stopped me.
“I know you are, you had to go there, I know you were angry and I know where you were, I never left you though, we were all there with you the whole time and moving forward we are all still going to be here working with you, this is the path you wanted and no one is leaving, as long as you don’t quit, we won’t quit. “
I breathed in deeply and smiled. I did feel better, and now it was time to reunite myself. I saw the cliff where it all began in the distance and my body laying there still and lifeless. I really had lost part of myself in the abyss. Leviathan lifted me onto the cliff and took his Demon form, He took his position to the West, I Saw Azazel take his position to the South, Lucifer Take his position to the East, Beelzebub appeared and took his position to the North and I saw Satan Arrive and take his position. They were all surrounding my body and me. I looked at myself and saw where I was hurting, where I had endured damage and I knew that these things would have to be healed. I had friends though, friends with incredible talent who could and would help me with this. I was not alone and it was time to unite myself and carry forward.
I did the ritual and felt myself remerge with my body. It was painful. It was horrible. I felt everything that I and been thought, but I had the tools to deal with it and it was time to heal. It was time to release these binds that imprisoned me. IT was time to let them go and move forward.
My perception shifted, I felt my eyes focus, I felt stronger and focused. What a journey that was, and I was ready now. I was ready to go forward, I was ready to embrace these new perceptions and move forward. I was free. I was ready, I had walked through the Abyss with the demons and I was ready for whatever came next.
I have realized on this path, there are breaking points, points where you have to shed your old skins, your old perceptions and sometimes those perceptions are painful and incredibly destructive. Sometimes it is just what you have to go through to free yourself from the perceptions that binds you. Demons are about freedom, they are about growth and they are about the mind and taking control of it’s incredible power. Walking with them we are challenged to release our perceptions, to heal the pains of the past, and free ourselves to embrace the future we desire.
Walking with demons is not easy, it is challenging, but with how I feel now… I have never felt so free, and it is so worth it! Each challenge from working with them has brought new freedom and new abilities that have helped me to create the life that I want and desire. I love walking with them and working with them, and could never imagine anything else.
Ave Leviathan! The Abyssal Lord of the Black Ocean.