The Desert of Gold
I really wonder how I find myself back in the desert, this was a different desert though… The one I meet Azazel in is past the black sand dunes.. The desert is connected to my soul in a way. There is a deep connection to it. My higher self has a profound connection to it and one that moves through the ages of time and space and I always find myself drawn to those who have connections to the desert. Paimon being one of them.
This desert is golden and shimmers like a realm befitting a king would. I always find it interesting how I can feel such deep sensations in the Astral… the sun was beating down on me, I could smell the spices of the desert enticing my olfactory senses and the heat of the golden sun above bore down on me. I loved the warmth. It was healing and soothing, it was something that I felt that I needed in my soul.
The road to empowerment and awakening your self leads you to many places. I love the journey of the shadow and really opening myself up and seeing what comes. Every time I have overcome a block, I have been able to create more of what I desire. It is important to remove the blocks and the emotional traps that we have created in our minds. Our emotions can be an amazing guide to these mind traps and can help us to release and free them, but they can also imprison us and bind us to their will. I have been following them and I have noticed that the more I release and let go, of the easier it is to manifest and create. The next journey I was called to walk was with Paimon. I was called to learn from him and to release the next block that was holding me back.
This block… this block was one that I knew I needed to overcome. Confidence… Confidence in myself. It always came back to confidence.
As I walked through the desert it mirrored mirages at me..
That awkward little girl who had a hard time interacting with the other kids, who was bullied and made fun of, who when asked to even answer a questions in class would shake…
Then I saw my first interview I did… I was shaking for it and thought it was surely going to be revealed in my voice. My tone was perfect…
Then I saw the last interview… how far I had come.. how far would I go…
I could talk in front of people now. I could do interviews and defend myself and my points against trolls and critics. I felt confident in my abilities and in my skills. But I still had a ways to go. I had to embrace myself, believe in myself, have faith in myself fully and really step into who I am. I need to be comfortable completely in my skin and that was why I was here, that is why he called me to work with him. This is one of the fundamental areas of success, having that confidence and being in your power. I wanted to embrace it fully and really feel who I am. There was a new level I was ready to attain and this was it.
I still have moments where I am scared, moments where I wonder how much of myself I should expose. I know that success comes for those who are brave and bold. Those who just do it. They get out there and they let nothing hold them back. I am close, so close. What still holds me back? I knew Paimon could help me. He had told me during one of my sessions with him. This particular block he had the remedy for and he would be able to help me to heal it. I left my body for his realm.
The desert feels like home to me. There is such an empowered and healing element to it. It is like it will strip you bare and remove all your masks, exposing the inner soul of the self. I feel like I can get lost here, I feel like I can forget here and just for a moment step away from it all. Oh how I missed the desert. I feel like I can be myself here. The desert is the place of demons and where I meet them.
This Desert was unique. It was golden, the energies were vibrant and alive. There were sounds, music playing, the air was filled with spices. It was absolutely glorious. I walked and I felt the healing wave of heat that comes from my connection to the desert. The visuals of this desert were incredible and it was something that was absolutely amazing. I remember how everything melted away and I felt whole and at peace. The energies of my soul awakened and I just surrendered to the beauty that was all around me.
The House of Paimon
I saw it on the horizon and I walked towards it. His Palace is grande and incredible. Massive structures, balconies, the architecture is amazing. I admired it and took a moment to savour it. I enjoy my visits with him. He is full of wisdom and guidance. I walked to the gates, the guards were there. They looked at me. They knew I was coming and that I had been invited to visit with him. They nodded at me as I crossed through the gates and walked down the path. There was music, the music of his palace was always surreal and divine. I love the sounds, the composers of this place are gifted beyond belief. The art on the walls is equally incredible. I took a moment to admire them. I love to look at the art done by demons, there is such a depth to it. I can see why they inspire so many people here and why the art that rises from the darkness is so complex and beautiful.
His Palace is gorgeous and honesty I love visiting there. There is something so healing about the energies of this place. I have been here a few times and there are many familiar settings here. I continued walking down the grand hall. I was heading to where he was. I knew he was in the throne room and that is where I would meet him.
I approached the throne room and saw him sitting here. He always looks so proud and majestic. I approached the throne and kneeled before it, “King Paimon.”
He chuckled and told me to rise, “ There is no need for that.”
I have a habit of continuing the pleasantries, though I know that many of them, especially the ones that I have worked with for a long time, are amused by it. In fact they are all incredibly amused by it. I rose and looked at him.
“I have a little bit of a problem.”
Paimon : “I would say it is more than a little bit of a problem. It is something that is blocking you from this goal that you have set for yourself. You know what you have to do. It is this same old patterns again, it has been with you since you were a little girl. Most of the biggest hindrances of your life will be traced to things that happened here to you when you were young. In fact it can be something incredibly simple. It is amazing how the most simple incident, that is backed by an incredibly powerful story can shape the entire direction of your lives here. This one is very simple. It is a fear of engagement. It is where you will stop and ponder, you will think then overthink, then you will freeze and have to build yourself up to jump. What happened that caused it to start?”
I tried to focus. I knew what it was related to but the exact event I could not place. Then suddenly it hit me and I knew, I just knew what it was. I remembered my stepfather mentioning it.
“I belly flopped.”
Paimon : “Yes you did and it left an impression on you, one that never healed and now every time you go to jump, even though you have the skill and the ability you freeze. You freeze and think, then overthink and have to build yourself up. It is something that stagnates you and it is what you think is holding you back. Though like most things, I would not be so quick to condemn it. For you see these qualities in you, they are not horrible or wrong. You do obsess and delve into the depths of things looking to understand them. You explore thoughts, ideas and the world around you with incredible depth and curiosity. This is one of your greatest strengths and it is what has led you to uncover everything that you have and it is what drives you to continue to uncover more. What most people see as work you see as pleasurable. What would drive most people insane, you take on with delight and excitement. Was it the event that caused the behaviour or was the behaviour already there? Was it something that has always been, even from the time before, even from the time before this life? How much is caused by these mere 80 years you dwell here, and how much comes from the past and who you are at your core?”
I took a moment and pondered his words.
Paimon : “I want you to come with me. I need to show you something. I need to show you the real block that is inside of you, not the one that you think is inside of you.”
Stuck on Camels
He stood and began walking, I followed him. We left the throne room and journeyed to another part of the palace. We entered the area where there were the Camels. He had servant demons prepare his Camel. I noticed that there were two of them.
Me : “Am I riding too?”
Paimon : “Yes”
Me : “I have never ridden a Camel before.”
Paimon : “Not in this body”. He smiled at me as I nervously walked over to the Camel.
I took a moment to pet him and stroke his fur. He made a sound that made me laugh. Paimon had already mounted his Camel and I admit getting up on mine was a fiasco. My foot got stuck at one point and jammed. My foot stuck through the stirrup and there I was jumping on one foot trying to balance and get my foot unstuck without falling over. After bouncing around for a moment I just burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of it all. There I was, my foot stuck trying to get on this massive beast so I could go to the place Paimon wanted to show me. I was suppose be learning about confidence and my foot was stuck. It pretty much summed up where I was. Grand opportunity before me, amazing experience coming and there I was stuck and flopping around like a goof, just hopping on one foot trying to get unstuck while everyone watched. It is a good thing I can laugh at myself and really don’t take myself too seriously.
It was something I learned from my uncle. I remember him telling me that no one can laugh at you if you laugh first. I honestly think that that single piece of advice helped me overcome the first level of this. When I embraced that philosophy I suddenly was able to do more things. I laughed at all my blunders and I found that people liked me because I was able to make them laugh. It was something my uncle was known for and why so many people attended his celebration of life. He could make people laugh. It is one of my strengths, not only being able to laugh at myself but also make others laugh and make them feel comfortable. It helped me to really embrace myself and yes I still feel fear at times, but I do it anyway, because all they can do is laugh and make fun of me. But if I am already laughing then they just look foolish. I also realized that every moment that could have been horrifying was actually incredibly bonding with the person I was with. It formed friendship. You have to risk looking foolish to have great friends and those friends who I have been the most foolish around are the best friends I have had.
Paimon came over “ Do you need some assistance?”
I laughed “Yes, I seem to be stuck.”
He grabbed me and hoisted me up. I thanked him then settled into the saddle and took a moment to look around. Ok yes I had never ridden a Camel here before but there was something so familiar about this. I had ridden horses before so I was ready, and I was actually very excited about where we were going to go and what he was going to show me.
“Where are we going?” I asked
“You will see,” was all he said as we journeyed into the blazing sun.
To Be Continued….Here