Crossing the Abyss with Leviathan. – The Beginning
Demonosophy is our inspiration from walking with our demons. Our journey, our personal journey with them and lessons that they teach and bring.
This is a very personal journey I took with Lord Leviathan, this was after a very negative experience in my life, but the transformation process from it. was incredible. Even when you are shattered and left nothing more then broken pieces on the floor, you can rebuild yourself, and you can keep going forward. These series of posts is an account of that journey…
I stood there overlooking the vast expanse before me, well what was left of me. I had been literally destroyed in all manner of speaking, stripped bare of my very essence. Not much really remained. There were so many questions I had. Why did this happen? How could it have happened? I really didn’t understand and I have to admit in my shadow state my understanding of the situation was limited.
I had followed what they told me. I had listened, or so I thought, for the first time in my life I doubted everything I heard and everything I had believed. Tests of faith are often disguised as pain and suffering. So how the hell did I end up here. Alone standing before the black ocean with nothing left. In that moment I thought my entire world had been destroyed, I thought my entire essence was stripped from me. Mammon’s final words rang through my mind.
“You need to have a thick skin”
Well I failed that now didn’t I… I was broken, I had literally spent that morning throwing up blood I was so consumed with my own anxiety and trauma I could barely function. The tears I thought started streaming down my face again, but there was none left, they were dry. My heart felt shattered, my connections broken, my body a wreck, there were times I thought I was going to die, other times I just wished it would happen already. My heart was broken and my life felt like an eternal void. In my mind I was alone. I couldn’t see anything around me. I couldn’t feel or hear of sense. I was alone, only the black ocean laid before me.
Leviathan had come to me, he told me I had a long road of healing before me. I didn’t believe him, but at the same time anything was better then standing on this fucking cliff, looking over this fucking black ocean, as all my anxieties, fears, pains and traumas raced around in my body threatening to end me. I wondered if could die from how I was feeling. I wondered if humans died of such things. How would it happen? Would my body just stop working one day? Would I go to bed one night and never wake up?
I had been waking up every morning since it happened throwing up, and sometimes throwing up blood, my stomach felt like there were daggers in it and my body ached like I was 90. Waking up was not enjoyable, and I mused for a moment not waking up. I really had no desire to die, so i remembered Leviathans words. Draw my Sigil on the cliff overlooking the black ocean, your journey towards healing will begin.
Really what do I have to lose I already wake up feeling like I am going to die.
I reached down and drew the sigil. Preforming the ritual he had shown me. I drew the symbols and images that he wanted me to, it was almost like a dance, drawing them and watching the lines appear before me on the cliff overlooking the black ocean. I was lost in it for a moment, as if time, space, and my entire life as a human didn’t exist. There was just me and the dance of ritual creation.
I stood there and looked out before it, standing in the middle of the creation I had drawn. I didn’t know what would happen, I just know that I had received the instructions. I closed my eyes and focused on the energies.
His sigil was placed in the middle, I then placed my left hand over it and immediately the tears started flowing again. The emotions that were blocked flowed freely. Leviathan had told me to heal I had to go through the emotions, I had to navigate them, understand them, and through them transform my essence and reclaim myself. I had to face this healing head on. I have to face my emotions and understand them. That was emotional mastery, understanding, honouring, and controlling my emotions. The tears flowed and I felt everything.
I chanted Leviathans Enn and asked him to guide me, asked him to help me through this journey, to help me heal and pull myself back together.
The pain amplified, the emotions soared through me, I felt them, I felt all of it, the betrayal, the agony, the destruction of my life. The pain shot through me and I fell forward hitting the ground. I lay there twitching and felt myself separate, part of me died and was laying there on the cliff, my heart over the sigil I had drawn. I stood up feeling freed from my state looking at the lifeless corpse that looked like me. I had come this far and really the only way to go from here was forward. I must leave myself to find myself. I looked up and before me was a boat. It was a small boat, it had a lantern on it. I walked towards the boat and sat down. Off we went, into the darkness of the black ocean.
My last thought was “ I hope the imps don’t eat my body while I am gone”
To be continued…. Crossing the Abyss with Leviathan – The Journey