My Relationship with Satan

[jgstrenko]

I hope I am placing this post under the appropriate parent topic. I say this because I am really not new to what I consider the LHP so I am not "starting out". This is however a brief summary of my dark spiritual path so I guess in that respect it fits just fine. I don't remember exactly how old I was at the time, probably around 10 but I do remember and will never forget what happened. I was laying in my bed awake thinking about everything the nuns told me at school that day about how, if I died with the wrong unconfessed sins, I would wake up in hell. This was very real to me and I was terrified by it. So instead of trying harder to earn my way out of going to hell, I decided I would work on developing a friendship with Satan. In my mind, at that time, this was a very simple concept. So on that night I started talking to Satan and on that same night he started talking to me. This was a real conversation. He didn't talk down to me but rather spoke to me at my level. This was something real and immediate unlike my vain attempts to appeal to this other so called god that always felt empty. This was talking to a good and trusted friend. I felt safe talking to him about everything I was dealing with on a daily basis at the torture chamber disguised as a school that I was subjected to. When I needed him, he was there, every time, and he still is. From that night on I have considered myself a theistic Satanist. I have considered a few paths including the COS, which I actually joined when I was in my 20's, and later decided it's atheistic views were not for me, and the Church of Set to name two. As I am writing this I just realized something. I have never told this story to anyone. It feels good to share it.

I am here trying to find others of like mind and with similar stories to mine. I am also trying to broaden my knowledge of Demonolatry and better identify with the demons I should be conversing with and working with. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I welcome any comments.

[Wynd Runner]

. . . This was something real and immediate unlike my vain attempts to appeal to this other so called god that always felt empty. . . . .

Thank you for sharing. Yes, I was around that age when I had a situation similar to yours. Unfortunately, I did not think to try to befriend these better Gods and Goddesses until much later.

But yes, I tried so hard. The preachers and evangelists would always say someone could really feel god once you surrendered to him. I was around 10 at the time, and no I could not feel him. I went to many christian altar calls trying so hard to get that relationship but could never sense this creature they all blathered on about. I then started thinking I was the antichrist. At 10 . . . a child. Yes, I was really depressed for a long time.

Later on, I found the Pagan Gods and Goddesses. And now, I am with the Infernals.

I love Satan and the Infernals. There is no going back for me.

[jgstrenko]

It is very interesting you say that you thought you were "the" Antichrist. The Book of Revelation is misinterpreted and does not speak of Satan but rather "an" Antichrist or False Profit of the end-times. This alludes to "multiple" Antichrists. I believe all of us who bear the Mark of Hell are an Antichrist spreading the word of Satan. The thought may have caused you despair at the time but it wasn't far from the mark. You may not have been "the" Antichrist, but were certainly being called to be "an" Antichrist. I think this was my calling as well and I consider it a great honor.

Thanks for replying to my post.

[Nighthawk]

I was laying in my bed awake thinking about everything the nuns told me at school that day about how, if I died with the wrong unconfessed sins, I would wake up in hell. This was very real to me and I was terrified by it. So instead of trying harder to earn my way out of going to hell, I decided I would work on developing a friendship with Satan. In my mind, at that time, this was a very simple concept. So on that night I started talking to Satan and on that same night he started talking to me. This was a real conversation. He didn't talk down to me but rather spoke to me at my level. This was something real and immediate unlike my vain attempts to appeal to this other so called god that always felt empty. This was talking to a good and trusted friend.

This is a tremendously inspiring story. What a wise child you were to think of going to Satan right from the beginning! I wish I had been that clever.

I had the similar experience, with nuns telling me my soul was a crispy critter cause I was an innately bad female child and tried as I might, I never felt angels, Jesus, or any of that stuff. Plus what they were teaching simply didn't make sense unless I blocked out logic. I was lucky that church teaching I had was only on weekends, and during the week I went to secular school where kids couldn't get corporal punishment (it was a long time ago). I saw my friends going to the various religious schools around me being physically beaten into submission. They were quiet little good girls like me but still being hit with hands or instruments designed to produce pain, as well as dealing with spiritual and emotional abuse. I began to think I didn't want that god or his servants to notice me: results were extremely painful. Those girls were often quiet, submissive, and depressed.

To my joy, I could feel the fae in the woods, and land spirits all around and so communicated with them. And they responded. So I became a little pagan (though I knew no words for it at the time), and that was nice. I found I could do little spell-like things and actually get results! As soon as I was allowed, I stopped going to church. So I became pagan in a time before the internet, and Silver Ravenwolf Teen Witch, and just developed and did my own thing. Once in a while as I would become older I would try church, thinking something might change, but felt nothing, but I always felt something in Paganism. I would try different paths in Paganism, and nothing ever quite "clicked" but I was good enough just wandering around the witchy path, always the seeker.

But all of that is nothing compared to how I feel with Satan! Like you said, I felt he meets me at my level, and doesn't talk down to me. He does not frighten me. I do feel the demons, Satan and I are trusted friends. I have a demon companion now and she couldn't be any kinder or friendlier. She's always around and that is wonderful. I am where I belong, finally.

Thank you for sharing your story, jgstrenko.

[jgstrenko]

Thanks. I also find your story inspiring. It is nice to hear from others who have had similar experiences to mine and to find a place where I can speak freely about my beliefs. Contrary to what the law might say, this is certainly NOT a country of freedom regarding religious beliefs unless you are in line with one of the Christian denominations. Try speaking freely about your Theistic Satanic beliefs at work or school and see how far you get. Before you know it the sheep are reaching for their torches and pitchforks!

[Wynd Runner]

Contrary to what the law might say, this is certainly NOT a country of freedom regarding religious beliefs unless you are in line with one of the Christian denominations. Try speaking freely about your Theistic Satanic beliefs at work or school and see how far you get. Before you know it the sheep are reaching for their torches and pitchforks!

That is sooo true! LOL You got me to laugh on that one.

Poor "sheeple"

[WhatIsReality]

I hope I am placing this post under the appropriate parent topic. I say this because I am really not new to what I consider the LHP so I am not "starting out". This is however a brief summary of my dark spiritual path so I guess in that respect it fits just fine. I don't remember exactly how old I was at the time, probably around 10 but I do remember and will never forget what happened. I was laying in my bed awake thinking about everything the nuns told me at school that day about how, if I died with the wrong unconfessed sins, I would wake up in hell. This was very real to me and I was terrified by it. So instead of trying harder to earn my way out of going to hell, I decided I would work on developing a friendship with Satan. In my mind, at that time, this was a very simple concept. So on that night I started talking to Satan and on that same night he started talking to me. This was a real conversation. He didn't talk down to me but rather spoke to me at my level. This was something real and immediate unlike my vain attempts to appeal to this other so called god that always felt empty. This was talking to a good and trusted friend. I felt safe talking to him about everything I was dealing with on a daily basis at the torture chamber disguised as a school that I was subjected to. When I needed him, he was there, every time, and he still is. From that night on I have considered myself a theistic Satanist. I have considered a few paths including the COS, which I actually joined when I was in my 20's, and later decided it's atheistic views were not for me, and the Church of Set to name two. As I am writing this I just realized something. I have never told this story to anyone. It feels good to share it.

I am here trying to find others of like mind and with similar stories to mine. I am also trying to broaden my knowledge of Demonolatry and better identify with the demons I should be conversing with and working with. Thanks for taking the time to read this and I welcome any comments.

What an incredible story ! I'm glad for you that you found your own path so early in your life and pursued it despite the societal/religious pressure. That is so inspiring <3

[flywithbats666]

Contrary to what the law might say, this is certainly NOT a country of freedom regarding religious beliefs unless you are in line with one of the Christian denominations. Try speaking freely about your Theistic Satanic beliefs at work or school and see how far you get. Before you know it the sheep are reaching for their torches and pitchforks!

That is sooo true! LOL You got me to laugh on that one.

Poor "sheeple"

Agreed! I think he seeks and finds us when the timing is appropriate?

[Wynd Runner]

Agreed! I think he seeks and finds us when the timing is appropriate?

I agree. It is so weird I'm getting into this now at 51 years of age. I say "weird" because I was a devotee of Lilith in my 20s, and I didn't know she is Infernal. I just thought I was a "gothic" or dark pagan. I was working with all of these dark "underworld" deities just oblivious to their natures. LOL

[Arcanium]

Hello

I find your post inspiring and it's great that you're sharing. As far as I'm concerned, my story is quite original. I started out with a purely new age mindset of being linked to God as a pure Catholic, and I avoided darkness like the black plague: especially in the Yugioh card games where I spat on demonic decks, and magic where I avoided the colour black like the plague. I even had fun playing a Yugioh demon deck called Dark World. I told the main card, Grapha, that it was so ugly that I'd never play it in my life. Result: the game attracted me very strongly and I only played this game to the detriment of all the others.... While I was in false light mode, some entities I was channelling (with a gift I didn't master at all), pushed me into darkness (I've always been attracted to demons as a child, and I've always identified with the bad guys (not to become one). So I struggled to find my light again, but I ended up discovering the unthinkable: it feeds me, it's the meaning of my life, and my heart desires Satan more than anything else in the world. I just don't accept it, and I've made repeated attempts to convert to the Catholic Church, hoping that this desire for Satan would disappear even after eight years. But reading prayers or texts from the lives of the saints turned out to be torture because my heart, which desires Satan more than anything else, is not fulfilled. And it doesn't go away with time. This is my path, but I still have all the trouble in the world accepting who I am, which means that as soon as someone tells me to "renounce darkness" I try, I fail, and I'm too easily influenced. How can I accept myself and stop falling prey to people who want to mould me in their image?

You say you're not a beginner, so I'm intrigued. Can you tell me more about it? Would you know of a mentor like Akelta who would take on apprentices because I struggle a lot on my own as I can't meditate without suffering (or visualising) which prevents me from getting the basics right. What's more, I've been ripped off very regularly by people who say they heal the chakras, do this, do that... so I'm scared of spending money for nothing, especially as the services cost a minimum of 300 euros and you need 9 to have any effect at all......