Spotting Narcissists and Toxic People
Posted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:11 pm
Working with Demons I get a lot of inside information. People with nefarious intentions think they can hide things but they can’t, not for long.
Eventually people show their true colors, I’ve seen it many times.
I do usually get tipped off beforehand and can avoid the fallout and stay out of the line of fire myself, but some things weigh on my conscience.
Particularly that I can protect myself, but how can I help everyone protect themselves?
I can’t stand to see other people get hurt and think there was something I could do to stop it. But it’s not always as easy as just pointing these people out or bluntly saying the truth, especially when it comes to predators, passive aggressive people and narcissists. Types of people I have more personal experience with than I ever wanted…
There are so many empathic and sensitive people in this community and being empathic myself I know how it feels to want to help people, oftentimes (unintentionally) at your own expense or while putting yourself last. There are also people who are hurt and trying to heal and unfortunately, there are horrible people out there who will take this and use it against you.
At times, some of these people end up in the position of conjurers, sellers, energy healers or other spiritual positions where people are looking to them for help, for healing, for guidance and these people revel in their positions, cutting down and further injuring already wounded people and it makes me absolutely sick. The problem with narcissists and passive aggressive people are that they are so good at what they do, they are predators and they know just how to word things to create doubt or turn someone’s words against them. It can be very hard to call them out.
Direct doesn’t work against them unless everyone can spot them and the group is united. This is how they divide and tear apart communities and I have watched several come through here over the years and wreak havoc, destroy friendships and hurt people I love and care about.
I have lost friends and people I cared about, or at other times I’ve almost lost them to these types of people.
Other posts have been written about narcissists and I am sure more are coming but for now, here are things to look for when trying to spot these kinds of people.
They thrive in low vibrational, negative energies and drama. Their posts are derogatory or so filled with a sense of self-inflated importance there’s almost no room for anything but their ego or things that cut others down.
They are perpetual victims. Reaching out and trying to help them does nothing. They don’t want help, they just want to drag you down into their hell with them. Misery loves company, cliche but so true. No matter how many times you may try to reach out, pick them up or help them they go right back down into their pit of despair and cry about how miserable their lives are, how misunderstood they are or whatever other thing it is that garners them sympathy and narcissistic supply.
*Note* this can be difficult at times to spot because some people really are just hurt but ways to differentiate are they will not emotionally engage you. They can’t. They NEVER apologize or take responsibility for what they have said or done. They instead shift the blame back to whoever was hurt and make excuses, saying things like ‘Oh I didn’t mean it like that.’ Or ‘Oh you misunderstood me.’ <- This sets off my bullshit meter like you wouldn’t believe. Anyone who isn’t willing to even entertain for a second they may have done something offensive or hurtful to other people does not care about your feelings, thinks the world revolves around them and is more than likely some variant of narcissist.
Their posts make you consistently uncomfortable but you can’t quite put your finger on ‘what’ it is that makes it so unpleasant to read them.
They incite drama, making comments they know will upset people then claiming they are the victim and they come with excuse after excuse for their behavior. ‘I have a learning disability’, ‘I am a survivor of trauma/something horrible’ ‘I am socially awkward’. If you call someone on their behavior and they refuse to see it from any other perspective and give you endless excuses and cry they are the victim, save your energy and stop engaging them.
Behind the scenes … they talk shit about other people. Pay VERY close attention to what someone says to you privately. One thing I don’t tolerate from people is talking shit about other people. If they will do it with you, they will do it to you. If they are trying to turn you against someone, get away from them. If they make comments about someone that make you uncomfortable trust your gut and don’t try to normalize it.
I was in a conversation with a narcissist once but I didn’t know it at the time. He was saying horrible things about someone I didn’t know, then pasted something they had put on another forum. I read the person’s experience and I felt their pain. He said the person was crazy but I thought, I don’t agree with his assessment of the other person. The person they were targeting, I knew they were hurt but I didn’t speak up as much as I wish I had. I also didn’t immediately remove this person from my life and I regretted it. I still regret it. If I could go back in time now, I would handle things differently.
This is a really good article that sums up the abusive language narcissists use, the wordplay and how they slowly lure you in and try to normalize the things they say and do. How they turn words against you and blame you for your feelings:
https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3384/ ... e-victims/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Your feelings are NOT wrong. Ever. They are there for a reason, even if it’s just something that needs to be healed, look at your feelings around a situation and don’t repress them. Don’t automatically blame the other person but don’t discount things you feel or blame yourself either. Seek to understand the source of them.
If anyone makes you feel like something about you, how you act, some aspect of your personality is wrong or bad or makes you feel bad for being yourself, ditch them.
You deserve better.
If the people in your life don’t lift you up, make you feel loved and celebrate your wins no matter how big or small, they aren’t people you need in your life.
Love and respect yourself and pay attention to how people around you make you feel. If you feel depressed or horrible around a single person, don’t blame yourself for it.
Nobody should make you feel like less than the amazing person you are in any way.
Eventually people show their true colors, I’ve seen it many times.
I do usually get tipped off beforehand and can avoid the fallout and stay out of the line of fire myself, but some things weigh on my conscience.
Particularly that I can protect myself, but how can I help everyone protect themselves?
I can’t stand to see other people get hurt and think there was something I could do to stop it. But it’s not always as easy as just pointing these people out or bluntly saying the truth, especially when it comes to predators, passive aggressive people and narcissists. Types of people I have more personal experience with than I ever wanted…
There are so many empathic and sensitive people in this community and being empathic myself I know how it feels to want to help people, oftentimes (unintentionally) at your own expense or while putting yourself last. There are also people who are hurt and trying to heal and unfortunately, there are horrible people out there who will take this and use it against you.
At times, some of these people end up in the position of conjurers, sellers, energy healers or other spiritual positions where people are looking to them for help, for healing, for guidance and these people revel in their positions, cutting down and further injuring already wounded people and it makes me absolutely sick. The problem with narcissists and passive aggressive people are that they are so good at what they do, they are predators and they know just how to word things to create doubt or turn someone’s words against them. It can be very hard to call them out.
Direct doesn’t work against them unless everyone can spot them and the group is united. This is how they divide and tear apart communities and I have watched several come through here over the years and wreak havoc, destroy friendships and hurt people I love and care about.
I have lost friends and people I cared about, or at other times I’ve almost lost them to these types of people.
Other posts have been written about narcissists and I am sure more are coming but for now, here are things to look for when trying to spot these kinds of people.
They thrive in low vibrational, negative energies and drama. Their posts are derogatory or so filled with a sense of self-inflated importance there’s almost no room for anything but their ego or things that cut others down.
They are perpetual victims. Reaching out and trying to help them does nothing. They don’t want help, they just want to drag you down into their hell with them. Misery loves company, cliche but so true. No matter how many times you may try to reach out, pick them up or help them they go right back down into their pit of despair and cry about how miserable their lives are, how misunderstood they are or whatever other thing it is that garners them sympathy and narcissistic supply.
*Note* this can be difficult at times to spot because some people really are just hurt but ways to differentiate are they will not emotionally engage you. They can’t. They NEVER apologize or take responsibility for what they have said or done. They instead shift the blame back to whoever was hurt and make excuses, saying things like ‘Oh I didn’t mean it like that.’ Or ‘Oh you misunderstood me.’ <- This sets off my bullshit meter like you wouldn’t believe. Anyone who isn’t willing to even entertain for a second they may have done something offensive or hurtful to other people does not care about your feelings, thinks the world revolves around them and is more than likely some variant of narcissist.
Their posts make you consistently uncomfortable but you can’t quite put your finger on ‘what’ it is that makes it so unpleasant to read them.
They incite drama, making comments they know will upset people then claiming they are the victim and they come with excuse after excuse for their behavior. ‘I have a learning disability’, ‘I am a survivor of trauma/something horrible’ ‘I am socially awkward’. If you call someone on their behavior and they refuse to see it from any other perspective and give you endless excuses and cry they are the victim, save your energy and stop engaging them.
Behind the scenes … they talk shit about other people. Pay VERY close attention to what someone says to you privately. One thing I don’t tolerate from people is talking shit about other people. If they will do it with you, they will do it to you. If they are trying to turn you against someone, get away from them. If they make comments about someone that make you uncomfortable trust your gut and don’t try to normalize it.
I was in a conversation with a narcissist once but I didn’t know it at the time. He was saying horrible things about someone I didn’t know, then pasted something they had put on another forum. I read the person’s experience and I felt their pain. He said the person was crazy but I thought, I don’t agree with his assessment of the other person. The person they were targeting, I knew they were hurt but I didn’t speak up as much as I wish I had. I also didn’t immediately remove this person from my life and I regretted it. I still regret it. If I could go back in time now, I would handle things differently.
This is a really good article that sums up the abusive language narcissists use, the wordplay and how they slowly lure you in and try to normalize the things they say and do. How they turn words against you and blame you for your feelings:
https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/3384/ ... e-victims/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Your feelings are NOT wrong. Ever. They are there for a reason, even if it’s just something that needs to be healed, look at your feelings around a situation and don’t repress them. Don’t automatically blame the other person but don’t discount things you feel or blame yourself either. Seek to understand the source of them.
If anyone makes you feel like something about you, how you act, some aspect of your personality is wrong or bad or makes you feel bad for being yourself, ditch them.
You deserve better.
If the people in your life don’t lift you up, make you feel loved and celebrate your wins no matter how big or small, they aren’t people you need in your life.
Love and respect yourself and pay attention to how people around you make you feel. If you feel depressed or horrible around a single person, don’t blame yourself for it.
Nobody should make you feel like less than the amazing person you are in any way.