Satan and Suns

I made this meditation together with my Mutilation Doll. Some nights ago she came to me, her energies are wonderful and she is very protective. She let me know to do this meditation with her. When entering the Doll House I noticed different energies. It was not difficult to escape the two fleshbeings. All the body parts at the wall were strange and then I met my horror, I heard in my head: You are created by us but you are not perfect yet, I got injections...I felt fear and pain.
Well I had some questions in my head about different species how they came to existances....and they say humans are created by the Creator, or the soul or the Core? Then I was carried and Dr. Secha worked on me. I felt energies in my Rootchakra and Sacral Chakra, and darker sexual energy, I become a Doll...sexual energies are creating energies.
In my Astral Sight I could not clear see, for my inner eye I saw a doll in sexy dress who likes to play.
Later I talked to my Mutilation Doll that I was surprised. She smiled and gave me soft energy work until I felt asleep.

I saw myself in a different form just before I entered the dollhouse. My flesh creatures accompany me; they have merged together yet a small dark haired female appeared and has been following for the last few days. She is protective but when we enter the dollhouse she tries to hold me & my primal flesh creature back. My little one has healed, grown eyes, and become very brave since I brought her home, and she pushes away the one who holds her back. I ask her slowly: do you desire to enter the dollhouse with me? She is insistent - yes.

There are 3 scenes that we are witness to- we pass through the 3rd scene and are rebirthed from a massive womb tree that is a forest and devourer combined. my primal flesh creature is very very brave and clings to my neck as we enter the Womb Tree….she is alert but does not turn away. We exit the Tree rebirthed together.

Dr Sechah. I asked him, just before I passed out, what he was doing - what is he doing to me? He replies that he is putting my love inside. He is making me what I am.

When I looked in the mirror I saw the same creature that I glimpsed myself as just before entering the dollhouse. A black mass of void energies shaped like a seething termite hill covered with eyes and serpents of varying sizes that move and twist and bite. There was an octopus in this also. I am completely black. My being feels like a Heart that can see. The energies feel like Death. My eyes see everything, my eyes are all over my being, except where eyes normally are. So I see everything, and yet I see nothing.
My primal flesh creature has been rebirthed as a part of me.
And the dark haired doll-like creature cries and natters and chases after me but my primal flesh creature is one, is me.

I did this meditation while holding my SNS Necromancer Orb & a slip of paper identifying one of my past life selves. Which I had just picked out of a box Full of slips of names of Death Deities & Dead Ones. Which I had found the box tucked under my bed on the floor while cleaning lol. Because I'm in the midst of alot of Demon-Focused work. Convoluted, just like this Dollhouse!!

I Love Dr. Sechah. He is so wonderful and truly an amazing healer. His techniques, gruesome and weird. Yet, somehow my better senses revel in and admire and admit he is correct. A gruesome and weird pathway to health is perfect for this polluted and broken human!

He awakens the deeper layers and sees the necrotic places. Soo yucky for myself that I've let the dead parts stay dead. I've been too frightened to turn my attention & peer at the All of myself. Dr. Sechah opens the heart, then opens the eyes.

My journey to the inner lair we can call his operating room was eventful, yet not like last year's. Last year I had a ton of dark emotions rise & alot of dragons gorging to watch & participate in. This year was softer, less painful. I love my dragoness that is myself. She no longer is separated from my own heart and soul. Last year, we met & it was strange tbh. I've spent alot of time over the past 12 months digesting that rough rock of truth. That became my prize gem. Precious and sacred.

Back to now lol...

As he works on me, I wonder how much is myself now & how much my past life self. He keeps working. I feel the combination of her and me. I feel really earthy. My darkest parts are low down and slow-moving. I see tentacles fluttering from different body areas. My midsection becomes muddy and I feel Dr. Sechah do something with my dirt belt. It looks more like a turbulent river of wet earth than anything else.

It's time to get up & look at myself. Time to move. I find I'm a little dizzy sitting up, but once I let myself do jinky doll moves, I could get up.

To the mirror...it's me as a doll. One eye sitting in the middle of my forehead. It's my third eye! And prominent are my own eyes, which I have two green eyes. I see flecks and swirls of gold, turquoise, black, yellow. Orange, red, white. I have a prominent middle section that's malleable. I can play with it lol & not hurt myself. I look like reeds fluttering in the breeze, gently tethered together by a fashionably distorted mud belt.

One last look at myself before departing & I changed. In totality. Into a huge red bee. Red from digesting blood.