During countdown and following Lady Sacra I felt these heavy energies in my energetic body. And I felt the coldness. In the room I felt it more intense. Then I was inside the memory. The village was beautyful and full of life. The habitants friendly and wanted to help. I felt the thread...
After the incident with all its destruction I felt the pain of the Demon Lord. It was hurting in my heartchakra.
Blind vengence, I do not have feelings of blind vengence.
Sometimes I have the wish for retribution. But not as eye for an eye tooth for a tooth, more like someone reap what He/she sow. I feel sometimes that evil people need to be punished, people doing harm to others, torturer. In one case I brought Justice.
Some say karma will work, some say foregiveness is the solution, but to forgive a torturer is quite Impossible.
I am curious what opinion demons have concerning Karma.
I do not want any negative karmic relations. Me as a starseed I want go home, I feel home sickness.
I'm getting the sense that there is more to the mad demon than meets the eye.
I haven't yet come to a conclusion about whether or not he is a willing conspirator, but I get the impression that he is being tracked and possibly manipulated from afar.
The first step in working miracles is realizing that you can.
I first have to say the art of the demoness holding the orb is very beautiful. I kept staring at it. I had to restart the meditation because of it. I was fascinated by how the red paint contrasts to the demoness' other features, her expression, and the whole energy of the piece.
Like Dragonoake, I am suspicious of the "mad" demon, as if he is a plant. Maybe it is through him they are being tracked?
I know this is an older memory than the previous meditation, but I could not help think about how "vengeance" from Lord Vulekus in the first memory wiped out his entire party. Other than the "Mad" demon, most, if not all, of the other party were likely innocent.
Of course, I do not know the entire back story and who is following them attempting to destroy them. But, my thinking is to try to find a way to fight back and destroy those who would destroy me.
Anyways, it was a powerful meditation and story.
I also find it fascinating how others will blame themselves for things that are truly not their fault, such as Lord Vulekus blaming himself and his party for the destruction of the peaceful village. It was their pursuer(s) who chose to destroy the village, not them.
Vengeance . . . while again I do not know the back story . . . why vengeance? Did this party fleeing for their lives do some horrible crime against the group they were fleeing? All we know is they are running away seeking to find a better life. Though for some that is enough due to taking other people's actions personally as an affront.
"Will you spill the wine
to summon the divine?" Darkness at the Heart of my Love - Ghost
This was one of, if not the Most, Creepy and disturbing meditations ever. It was difficult. And Because of the length of my post and some details that I don’t want to reveal, I haven’t included the majority of my meditation.
*I felt nauseous the instant it began. “Im here. “. I feel the energies of someone joining me in the cold dark damp. “Do you recognize me?”
I shake my head ‘no.’ It’s dark. It’s heavy and dark and I …. I Am blind.
But there is a powerful presence with me. And I’ve learned to trust my other senses
then my physical sight…..*
“…The Quest for Vengeance destroys lives, not just those of the guilty… but also those of the innocent… so… when seeking vengeance…. Is it worth it? …. Vengeance, what has it taken from you?…”. At this moment in the meditation a face is revealed to me…..
Vengeance is interesting. I was used in an act of somebody else’s vengeance. I was used as a means to get even, to strike deep at the heart of someone who had no heart. Initially my perception was that the losses incurred were all my own. With time, the person who used me for his act of vengeance was revealed for what he is.
He was someone that I adored and slowly, but surely he was revealed to me for not being the victim that he claimed — and still claims. His act also revealed others close to me for what they were. Their indifference, the cruel disregard. Their pride was hurt by my ruin. But they could not comprehend the soul destruction that I experienced. They concealed me as if I were a shame that should be hidden. Their concern was their position within society…. And how it affected their appearance.
But The real revelation was that He took action to even the score by behaving EXActly as those he cursed and called his abusers. And he was willing to cause grievous harm (he almost had me killed).
He was my brother.
His act of vengeance was aimed at our father.
I was the target to hurt him.
It took years to begin functioning at some level of self. It was a soul murdering experience and taught me that there are worse things than death. On one level It stripped me of innocence, of trust, of any kind of ability to have relationship, of any sense of self. Of any sense of touch, emotional or physical, or pleasure at touch.
On another level He taught me much… including to never never strike
with such vindictive cruelty
and then
*out of your egos desire to gloat*
allow your victim to survive.
Big Mistake.
It also revealed the true face of a clan that allowed me…. once I matured and grew into the comprehension … allowed me to leave them behind.
I survived by learning how to love. How to heal. To be a healer in the first half of my life. And then I met my demons. And I began to work upon the second half of my life. Just like twins. My life has mirrored that.
Vengeance became my shadow Bible. The Art of War. And as I’ve matured and grown, I have worked at finding a deeper understanding and balance within love and hate.
Vengeance has taught me the the value of friendship, of loyalty…. of wisdom and tenderness … of love and the sacred heart, and of trusting my self and not being overly concerned when others disagree with my perceptions of character or value…. or safety/ danger.
It’s taught me to be aware of perception and context,
and not overly eager to make enemies over perceived slights,
especially with idiots who are eager to fight over anything
and don’t understand meaning or consequence.
To carefully chose my battles.
Most of all. Vengeance taught me that the most powerful weapon on the Planet…
…Is Self Love. Hate must be balanced in some fashion with Love, or it consumes everything and we self destruct. That Is the nature of Hatred. Self love teaches us the Wisdom to deal with those unbalanced in hate energies.
And we thrive and do not feel guilt.
My families thirst for vengeance has sculpted themselves a history full of feuding and vengeance. They cannot trust. They cannot love. And all this lust for getting even breeds sludge energies and generational sludge and a need for christian forgiveness. Vengeance creates a chain . And it’s a really good question to ask myself: what and how will this act of vengeance serve?
If there is one take away lesson for me about vengeance it has been to look for the value within it — where and how does it serve me… the whole of Me — and to honour tenderness and the heart energies. To transform energy into a meaning that serves me and
let the dead
bury themselves.
"Good morning. I see the assassins have failed….”
”In the end it doesn't matter who or what you are - only that you've been embraced by all that you've become ... "
It just gets more intense! While another piece of the story was revealed to me, it felt like I was very in tune with it, as if I were part of it at the same time.
The destruction of the village was a beyond disgusting act. It was also a personal attack on the Demon Lord's soul and heart. What is a Lord or a King without a kingdom (no matter how small) of people to look after? It is a Kings job to protect certain people and places, it is the reason they exist, and they are the only ones who possess the power and skills to do so.
Maybe it is just me, or did anyone else get an odd feeling about the village? As if they were under some kind of spell (all delusion, tricked into being there?) Everything felt too happy. Almost like a trap? They were given a choice to leave, but for some reason they could not, a force was keeping them there. Unless I am just missing something.
Anyway, about vengeance. I do not understand how vengeance has to trickle over and affect innocent people besides the intended target. A person can seek vengeance on an enemy and then be done with it, they don't have to go out of their way to hurt others to get to the person that betrayed them (well unless they like playing those kinds of games).
The second room that we go to is surprisingly a bedroom. It is vast, with sub chambers, a dressing area behind a screen, a table with numerous books. I trail my fingertips over the book on top of the stack as I look over at the enormous four poster bed. The wood is whole but the drapery from the canopy is in tatters and shifts lightly with a cold breeze. The orb is there on the table beside the bed.
The memory I am transported to takes me to a village. The people look human, though their faces are a bit different. There is something off in their complexion and the shape of their faces but I can't put my finger on it. They are not human, I am aware of that much. It is cold and they are wearing heavy wool layers intersected with lambskin and fur but despite the cold air, they work cheerfully and greet us as we approach in our disguise. I am able to procure much meat and drink. I am bidden to drink with them and I hesitate because it will distract me from my task but I sit with them and share their beverage with them poured from a large jug. There is much fellowship here and a sense of peace and contentment fills me. As I leave the community house, a small girl, her skin a strange pinkish color, offers me a square sweet that is made of honey and some sort of nut mixture. I am taken by surprise by the gesture and tuck it into my pocket with thanks and leave her to go about getting ready to settle in for the night.
I notice that the crypt lord is anxious and I hear is warning though I feel content where I am at. I am unconcerned when I lay down but the attack changes everything. The crypt lord throws up the sheild, protecting us from the worst of the destructive heat but the impacts can be heard and the screams, though the latter is brief, snuffed out as quickly as they had begun. There is nothing but death and desolation in its wake.
Have I ever felt such vengeance? My first impulse is to say no. There has never been a reason for me to harbor such vengeance that I would run every one else down to chase it. The one time that I did anything and cast for the sake of vengeance was when I lived in New Orleans and two men robbed me at gun point, but the casting was tempered and directed specifically rather than wholescale destruction in an attempt to reach them. A blood offering in exchange for torment of nightmares and ceaseless disturbances against them throughout their days and nights. A specific narrow target though I recognize that there are those who could still be hurt inadvertently in a broader sweep. As this was just a couple of weeks before Hurricane Katrina, did it at all affect their state of mind during this emergency and therefore negatively affect anyone else? I cannot say for sure but during this meditation when I thought of it the winds rolled turbulently over me, shrieking with the anger that I felt that day that they had dared to point a weapon at me.
I leave with that reflection and give the glowing orb to the lady before departing.
Walking the halls with Lady Sacra, I am distracted by the paths of old that have been lost to time. I think things like that are beautiful and tragic.
As we arrived to the hidden door, I held my breath for what was to come. Seeing a similar darkness as before, I finally began to breathe despite the heavy feeling of the room.
This time, I did not fear the presence or wish for the safety of my companions. I had more confidence in myself, which… I knew was their lesson in having me do this event alone in the first place haha.
I felt a deep sadness as I moved through the village, but I couldn’t place why. Everyone seemed happy enough, and certainly quite friendly. A small child held my hand to lead me to a gathering of others, by a warm fire. They offered me food and drink, and laughed and smiled by the fire.
As I made my way back to Lord Vulekus and the camp, the sadness within my heart grew, but I still did not understand why.
What happened next was heartbreaking. The destruction of the village was horrifying and tragic. Knowing what I knew of the Mad Demon, I couldn’t help but wonder how much of a role he had to play in this part. I hoped only that the villagers did not suffer a painful death, and that it had been quick.
I did the meditation a few times mostly bc I've been tired & it didn't settle all the way. The first couple times, the villagers appeared to be rustic humans. Also, the energies felt heavy and dark.
I just did the meditation again & saw the villagers very differently. They were shorter than my crypt demon self. They had alot of hair similar to sea anemone. Not as human. Rounder heads, shorter torsos & longer limbs. Endearing, childlike faces. Alot of natural materials available for sale.
I am part of this traveling weary group. But I feel great because the spaces and the peoples are so relaxing & inviting. There is a natural simplicity that is full of life and camaraderie. I am a very practical sort. Also a healer. Beginning stages of such. So I looked for & found soft sturdy leather to sew into foot coverings. Also, some local plants that have nutritional or health qualities. Thinking about bolstering and soothing my comrades. Those who are family, friends. Fellow sufferers and conspirators in our great escape from the inner Crypt.
At the end & still experiencing everything from the demoness' vantage I suddenly realized that death for some beings is very hard. They have fewer skills to navigate & I felt strange. Like I wanted to become a helper and guide for vulnerable dead ones. No matter what it is that brings them to death. Vengeance, war, the list. We feel strangely open to helping others.
The music throughout this meditation was uplifting. There were strands and chords that vibrated beautifully. Light feeling!
My January Inner Spiritual World (thank you Akelta for sharing ao much research...it's much easier now to understand entities! And where they reside and so much more) demons Hanbi & Veles participated. Hanbi very physically present & Veles more ethereal and floaty. They are almost polar opposite tbh how I feel and see their energies and forms. One so dark & one so light. I've pondered Veles and he keeps talking about dead people so we keep marching forward together!!! Lol. So, it's Veles who absolutely adores the brighter chords within the music.
The strongest connection exists between myselves and Mr. Y. When I felt death coming which would be experienced as OSW demon...he rose up & was very clear he would sit and wait as often as needed until I could come back into life again. The calmness and closeness feels infinite. Also, Ey' and my selves have come to understand he is at our center, our beginning, our all things. The transition spaces the shadows and solid places. Around and emanating out in all directions. The core of my first talisman.
