Meditation 2: Shade of Cryptmass Loss

[Lycana]

The crypt was dark corridors that leads to a vast, open room, the walls partially fallen by ancient roots that had tunneled through them. The demoness holds a lantern though I know its for my benefit. I look out over the crypt stones and note their terrible condition--forgotten and in ruin. She leads me through the corridor to another room, this one empty except for an ancient wooden door.
I enter the room and its huge, with big cathedral-like ceilings there are pews lined up giving plenty of sitting in front of a broad stone altar. I ignore and continued to deeper into the room. There are books and I run my fingers over them to here the rasp of the paper. A glow catches my attention and I look toward a small secret altar and the glowing sphere that materializes there.

The memory it reveals is poignant and yet I feel apart from it. Even when the dark shadows are piercing me and I can feel my flesh fall free, it doesn't bother me for some reason. I just watch the crypt lord quietly, feeling his sorrow engulfing over me. That is all I feel. No pain.

The voice whispers asking if I have ever felt jealousy or had jealousy directed at me and there are numerous tiny fragments that slip by. Nothing life altering, nothing significant. Brief moments of jealousy on my part where it was more about my anger at my own failing that true jealousy of them, unable to understand how I failed to rise and succeed.
The jealousy of others hurt with numerous tiny barbs, but again nothing significant as I never did much to inspire great jealousy. The small jealousies are fickle... something I did better a little quicker. Or thriving. They slip off of me like water off oil and I watch them quietly, undisturbed.

The orb is given to the demoness and it is done. I have a sort of inner quiet afterward as I'm not sure if my reaction was right or not... but then I simply shrug because it just simply was and return home.

[Vackra]

Being that deep into the Crypt, it seemed like so much was consumed by darkness and had been lost to time. I saw ruins of what once could have been beautiful and cherished items.

Following Lady Sacra, I felt her pain at her birth mother abandoning her each night. My own mother had abandoned me when I was young, and it is a wound that takes a while to heal.

Venturing into the room, I made my way through the sea of darkness, searching for the glowing orb. When I felt the presence watching me, I wished momentarily that my companions had been with me, but I knew why they wanted me to do this journey on my own. It was important for my growth.

The rest is more private and I’ll share on my blog.

[Kiku]

The meeting place was an old decrepit room, barely lit if not for Lady Sacra lighting the torches on the wall. It has a square-shaped long table with space in the middle, with chairs all covered in a layer of dust and cobwebs. There are some bones laying on the ground. Me, E and Lady Sacra zoomed through a series of hallways, which was a blur because it was a lot of turns and pitch blackness. The door was heavy black iron, with a complex lock mechanism in a pattern, which moved around and unlocked itself when Lady Sacra inserted the key.

I felt my heart thumping, I was becoming anxious. But E comforted me and said that he will be waiting for me with Lady Sacra. I could feel the heat of the room, I was sweating buckets.

The presence was stalking around me, as if ready to make a calculated move.

I was frozen in shock from the memory, and I kept saying “holy shit” to myself when I witnessed the slaughter. When the mad Demon revealed his treachery, I was thinking “you know what? how about we throw you back to the Inner Crypt?”, “how about you go away and start your own Crypt then?” and “heck, if you believe that you can lead better then I suggest a duel between you and Lord Velukus” then oh shit, he spears an innocent demoness! When Lord Velukus unleashed the shockwave that had everyone explode around me, I saw nothing but organs, tissue and bone flying all over my vision. I see the contents of my body explode in half and I fell backwards into the sand. I did not feel pain, but I had a good sense of the energies emitted by the shockwave. The energies I felt were “ugly”, malicious, sorrowful and violent. Pure madness.

I remember my jealousy destroying the good friendship between me and a coworker, all because a crush who had rejected me, liked her. Although she turned him down anyway, that is where I started comparing myself to her (“I wish I was witty as her!”) , shunning myself for who i am and feeling rage and jealousy whenever they work together during shifts. It had cost me my friendship, authenticity, mental-health and self-esteem.

My new friends are best friends with my ex-crush outside of work, and whenever they talk about their hangouts, I feel jealous. I wanted what they have. But he made it clear that we should not be friends outside of work after the drama that transpired.


I also remember feeling envious when people are successful than me in life, with their art careers taking off full speed. Or people knowing what they want to do in life at so young. Although it was nice to see them displayed in conventions, I deep down wished that I was in place of them.

I took the blue-ish purple orb, and handed it to Sacra without saying anything, and left. When I came back, I drank some water and my throat was dry!

[Bluemoonrabbit]

This one was quite sad. All I could feel was this pitiful melancholy. This mourning and emptiness. Even during the memories. All I could feel was my head shaking. It's all I could do, for the demons. For Lady Sackra.

I remembered feeling a rage. I didn't feel the other demons pain. I felt Lord Velukus' rage. But not his pain. I pitied him. I pitied everyone there. What else could I do? I could only shake my head. "Why did he stop here? Why didn't he make to the other side? This was the worst place to rest." Yet, it mattered not. These poor people. He chose poorly, and everyone there suffered. Including him. He could have been the hero he wanted to be, instead he fell. He became what he hated most of all. His first moment as Crypt Lord, became everyone else's last moments. And for what? For what? No one won that day. No one.

I remembered a time when jealousy stole from me. It was funny. I couldn't remember how I felt about this whole situation, yet this person was determined to harm me. Yet, I just can't understand the need to tear down another person over treasure, over friendship, over rank.

I handed the orb to Lady Sackra. I asked her if she really wanted to know the truth. Did she really think she could handle knowing what her father and patriarch had done? I told her I didn't think she was ready to know. I bowed and left. Only feeling pity for the lives there, and lives lost.