Satan and Suns

Satan's Hellcat wrote:Yes it is uncomfortable for guests to overstay their welcome, but it hurts them as much as you! They can feel the frustration building, and it keeps them from standing on their on two feet and making gains on their own plans. It is easier to take if they have a plan and are showing an effort. They should ALSO have a plan to follow if they just cannot get it together in time. No one LIKES to be in a shelter, or get housing assistance, but it may be the only option. People in such places usually make a stronger effort to get out of them than they do if they are in a comfortable FREE place to stay! Even if you are charging rent, it is not always worth it to give up your own plans and peace of mind. I hope it works out.

Thank you, these are words of wisdom. That is exactly what my partner said, "people can't resist the safety net becoming a hammock". This is my bad. It got crappy in exactly this way, but they are out and NOT coming back, no matter what sob story I hear... and I am about 71% sure I am going to hear one eventually. I dropped in at their new place because my kids heard them invite me and were begging to and it is full of sludgy energy -- the entire complex, the entire block it's on. I am already hearing sob stories about everything that is broken, unresponsive managers, etc. That is their problem now, and they can take the rest of the sludgy weirdness that they left here, too. Everything about this makes me furious. I need a really long break from them and from all adult nonsense.

My heart goes out to you. I had a similar experience years ago and there simply is no easy way to deal with it. But it sounds like these folks are causing a level of disruption that is going to the core of your life. Wither they realize it or not. They have grossly abused your hospitality, their disruptive energy only grows worse with time, and, it sounds like you have a couple of "grown-ups" who have a lot of growing up to do.

And none of it is your problem. To say I have an introverted nature is like saying the Sun is kinda hot. Standing up for myself does not come naturally to me. But in my situation I had to draw a line in the sand, and it was hard because it was family. But their problems were not mine, and they brought those problems into my home on the assumption that I'd just roll over and let them stay until they felt like leaving.

Wrong.

Tell them the truth. They have treated you horribly in your own home. That cannot be allowed to continue. Give them a deadline, a SHORT one to clear out without leaving so much as a sock behind. You will not be responsible for their bad choices. And not looking for a place to live, when there are children involved, is a MASSIVELY bad choice. They now have to live with the consequences of their bad choices, as all people do, eventually, if they keep making bone-headed choices in their lives.

Not your problem. It never was, not even slightly. You have gone above and beyond several times over. If your best friend is really your best friend, she will be right there next to you as you tell these folks the facts of life. It should be clear to her that Justice is on your side.

This infuriates me, I likely would have done the same but it enforced me none the less.