Spotting Narcissists and Toxic People

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H_Wright
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I almost didn't even open this and the fact that I did shows healing so I'm glad I did. In my introducing myself I introduced my narcissistic ex-husband. It took me about 3 years of marriage to recognize this in him and another 16 to leave him. During that time I was mom and that was what I hid myself in, my kids. It was all I could do to survive. At least I had my kids. I stayed too long and we all suffered from it. It has been 2 1/2 years and our healing has been phenomenal, but we still have a long way to go, and I see my daughter looking for in a partner what she learned from her dad and it kills me that I can't save her from this, only be there for support.

My biggest opponent of narcissism would be my vampire companion who is known to us through one of my ex-husbands ancestors, and who encouraged me to leave the marriage. He is so intuitive at just knowing people and their intentions. I had the hardest time handling him in the beginning, lashing out in anger because he was angry. I don't know if it was him who finally learned how to get through to me, or if I finally learned to control my emotions around him, but we have finally learned to work together. The one thing I've always been bad at and the one thing he will not tolerate is people taking advantage of me, lying to me, manipulating me and he sees right through them when I try to give somebody a chance they do not deserve. He simply will not allow it. Elaina, you are absolutely right that our companions, demons, and others really do help us with this "inside information". It is an invaluable lesson that is a very hard one to learn. I started arguing with him at first, but he is always right!
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user1876
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Eilana wrote:
alikat13 wrote:Awww Eliana I love this post and I completely agree with everything said here. I myself am an empathetic too and I've been more sensitive lately towards negativity (perhaps I'm going through some awakening or my moods are just shifting...whatever the case may be) I even absorb it at times and that messes me up entirely.....I need to learn how to shield myself really. I have came across a lot of these people within the spirit keeping community and in my daily life as most have but wow did I learn the hard way in the spirit community......I should've known that "some" of the so called friends would just so easily cut you down..... the worst thing is some of them didn't even tell me that they had a problem with me and even pretended to be my friends but would then gossip behind my back as if I was in high school all over again, these are grown people who have never learned or matured and that's just sad if anything. I don't tolerate drama myself. I will admit that when I'm upset and hurting that I tend to talk to people I trust to help me through these times so I would pour my heart out.... somethings I regret saying.

I came across passive aggressive people a lot more so online then in person. There were a lot of people who I would see aggressively attack someone and then they say something along the lines like "oh I'm sorry can we just make up and be friends now"........ if anything I would keep my eyes on that person that seems very shady in my opinion I don't trust their half ass apology. The best to deal with that is just ignore them I suppose.. that's something I've done well.... at times... I better control online then I do in my everyday life because I can step away from online for a second to calm myself down....I don't know what would've happened if I met most of these people in person.... thank goodness I didn't...I met enough psychos in person and now how violent things can get unfortunately....

One person I was friends with on another forum we were friends until she one day attacked me on an open forum out of nowhere and I say attack because there was no argument she just went off things got worse from there .....I was hurt... but I got over it... haha by writing a few poems about her, everything was starting to get better after that.

You're right nobody should ever feel like they don't matter or that they're weak because of them being empathetic and having hearts.... if anything the abusers are not powerful they have lost their power the moment they became this narcissist no power comes from being a negative hurtful Nancy. My heart goes out to everyone who has been hurt by these people I know how awfully damaging it can all be. Like you said Eliana don't ever let anyone make you feel any less amazing then you actually are. We all have so much power and beauty within us and we should never let anyone take that away from us. :devillove:

:ghost:
Alikat, you inspire me. I actually think I heard/saw some of what went on with that and I was disgusted by it. I have had people do it to me, not only online either but in person. I can honestly say I don't understand why people do things like that and it does seem to be more prevalent in online communities, a lot of people seem to feel braver behind their computer screens, or maybe forget there are people on the other end of them. Thank you for sharing this, I really do admire your strength and I'm so glad you decided to keep posting and being part of the online spiritual community. Being attacked like that it can be difficult to open up and talk to or trust people again and you really do bring so much to the community here, we are happy to have you with us :hug:

Nefer wrote:I just recently had a conversation about this type of people. In the end I said something along the lines of all comes to light in due time. It is aggravating to deal with these ones, and boy do they have a way of twisting stories and one's words. It is best to just stay away if you can. That's the best action to take with them. As far as saving others from them that's a touchy subject because for those who do not know the truth about that person, you will look like the aggressor.
That's exactly it Nefer. They twist things, build things up, play on people's vulnerabilities and paint themselves as 'perfect', all the while eroding people's sense of reality and gas lighting them, then if you try to call them out they do turn it on you so quickly and make you look like the aggressor, the bad one, the crazy one ... I'm usually pretty good at spotting them, the Demons help me and I have some ways of sort of testing the water. The problems arise when I see people I like and care about end up engaged with them and it's like, wait, was I wrong? Maybe I miscalculated if this person likes them.
In those cases unfortunately, the people ended up getting hurt or cutting off friendship with me over nothing, except that the narcissist isolated them.

The other concern is saying something and losing your friend. I was there myself at one point, I know if someone had tried to point out to me my ex was abusive it would have destroyed my entire reality and I would have cut off my friendships with people who really loved me rather than facing the truth because I was so entrenched in the lies and false reality he used to brainwash and enslave me.

If the people that cut off friendships with me ever woke up and realized what happened, who they were really with and what happened, I'd welcome them back in a second. Coming out of that state is like waking up from a nightmare that was real and thinking, what have I done? The isolation pattern is one of the worst.
velle wrote:Eilana . I agree No one Should have dealing Toxic people they are Never Happy about anything most of . The Time all they want to Do is think Negative and Talk about Only Negative things and all, that Bad Energy they Carry with them if you don't Ground yourself and keep up Shields that kind of Energy can pull you down

Just make you Feel awful its like that With some of my Family members Right now Once they come around .. I Have to Work really hard to Regroup myself because all the Negative energy that Some of them are carrying around with them ' and their So used to this Energy until it don't bother them they enjoy being negative all

The Time that's why . I am working on putting up shield blocks around me So when my Family comes to visit . I Will be Ready for them and they energies thank >:) Thank you Eilana for this awesome post :D
I know what you mean velle, it's so true with those type of people. One of my cousins when she came to our family gatherings would just bring everyone down and get everyone fighting, I always hated when she showed up and tried to avoid her and yes! That's right! shielding! Alikat mentioned it too, thank you for reminding me (LOL I know it was the same post I am writing but sometimes my mind wanders and I forget things, I also am usually doing too many things at once lol) ... I do a variation of the S&S shielding method for empathic shielding.

http://satanandsuns.com/blog/wp-content ... ing101.pdf" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I basically take the shield and weave in different types of energies to protect myself against people's energies, negativity and also to block myself from absorbing other people's emotions both good and bad, because it can make me absolutely crazy. If anyone's interested in the specifics of this, let me know and I can write up a post on what I do and why.
' Eilana thank you . I Will also take my Shield and weave it in different types of energies so that it Works on many different people because its awful being around people that just pull your energy down to . The point were your feeling just as low as they are but its not bothering them at

all because their used to the energy most times they like it this energy becomes apart of them so it seems . Tonight I Ordered some more Grounding Root Chakra Oil, So that . I Can stay Grounded around mostly my family members having shields that protect you from Sludge energies because that's . another thing most people walk around with not even knowing they have this Sludge energy attracted to them ' So yes making sure you protect your energy from people like this is a

Must for your own good thank you for sharing this With me about using shields in a different way that will give me protection from ' everybody that my energy needs it from . I Will Start doing this right away it sounds like a good plan and you are using it yourself so it Works ' that's good enough for me to start using it to :D
I Have Won Sinner Of The Month Five Times Now ' My Grandmother Always Said either Stand For Something are You Will Fall for Anything ' I am not Just Walking My path . I am Living it !
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DoubleD
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Very well said Eilana. I have clearly been missing a lot of drama by my absence lately, probably for the better. Thanks for sharing this and reminding everyone that their experiences do matter and that it is safe to share.
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user1876
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Eilana . I Have been using the energy shield that you shared with me its been used around my family members that have brought nothing but Toxic energies with them now because of My Shield being used to block their energies away from me once their gone ' I Do Notes now that my own energy don't feel pulled down like


Something has just Drained you of your energy and you just feel awful that feeling is gone now thanks .To me Using this Shield to block other peoples energies so . I Wanted to Say thank you for Giving me this Ideal about using my Shield in a different way ' around my Family members because now it can also be used in the

Same way around anybody that . I Have Contact with to block their energies also from coming in Contact with my own energy ,thanks again Eilana for the Tips :D
I Have Won Sinner Of The Month Five Times Now ' My Grandmother Always Said either Stand For Something are You Will Fall for Anything ' I am not Just Walking My path . I am Living it !
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alikat13
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quote="Eilana"]
alikat13 wrote:Awww Eliana I love this post and I completely agree with everything said here. I myself am an empathetic too and I've been more sensitive lately towards negativity (perhaps I'm going through some awakening or my moods are just shifting...whatever the case may be) I even absorb it at times and that messes me up entirely.....I need to learn how to shield myself really. I have came across a lot of these people within the spirit keeping community and in my daily life as most have but wow did I learn the hard way in the spirit community......I should've known that "some" of the so called friends would just so easily cut you down..... the worst thing is some of them didn't even tell me that they had a problem with me and even pretended to be my friends but would then gossip behind my back as if I was in high school all over again, these are grown people who have never learned or matured and that's just sad if anything. I don't tolerate drama myself. I will admit that when I'm upset and hurting that I tend to talk to people I trust to help me through these times so I would pour my heart out.... somethings I regret saying.

I came across passive aggressive people a lot more so online then in person. There were a lot of people who I would see aggressively attack someone and then they say something along the lines like "oh I'm sorry can we just make up and be friends now"........ if anything I would keep my eyes on that person that seems very shady in my opinion I don't trust their half ass apology. The best to deal with that is just ignore them I suppose.. that's something I've done well.... at times... I better control online then I do in my everyday life because I can step away from online for a second to calm myself down....I don't know what would've happened if I met most of these people in person.... thank goodness I didn't...I met enough psychos in person and now how violent things can get unfortunately....

One person I was friends with on another forum we were friends until she one day attacked me on an open forum out of nowhere and I say attack because there was no argument she just went off things got worse from there .....I was hurt... but I got over it... haha by writing a few poems about her, everything was starting to get better after that.

You're right nobody should ever feel like they don't matter or that they're weak because of them being empathetic and having hearts.... if anything the abusers are not powerful they have lost their power the moment they became this narcissist no power comes from being a negative hurtful Nancy. My heart goes out to everyone who has been hurt by these people I know how awfully damaging it can all be. Like you said Eliana don't ever let anyone make you feel any less amazing then you actually are. We all have so much power and beauty within us and we should never let anyone take that away from us. :devillove:

:ghost:
Alikat, you inspire me. I actually think I heard/saw some of what went on with that and I was disgusted by it. I have had people do it to me, not only online either but in person. I can honestly say I don't understand why people do things like that and it does seem to be more prevalent in online communities, a lot of people seem to feel braver behind their computer screens, or maybe forget there are people on the other end of them. Thank you for sharing this, I really do admire your strength and I'm so glad you decided to keep posting and being part of the online spiritual community. Being attacked like that it can be difficult to open up and talk to or trust people again and you really do bring so much to the community here, we are happy to have you with us :hug:


Thank you Eliana for your words of encouragement, it's never easy having to deal with these types of abusive people... so these tips you gave are very helpful for anyone out there who is going through this or has yet to go through this. I'm also glad to be here, I've grown a lot throughout my journey and it's thanks to this community and many other places which encourage my growth. I will take this to heart Eliana. :hug:
"Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic" - Frida Kahlo

"You're mad. Bonkers, Off your head... but I'll tell you a secret all the best people are" Alice In Wonderland
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learningk120
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thanks for sharing.

most of people at my workplace is like this, lot of drama and always play as victim :lame:
even is regional manager and branch manager play as victim and drama, before at this workplace i meet director who do play as victim, i donno why i always meet people like this, but is very entertaining when see them play drama, if didn't had any impact for me :lol:
meet people like this will make lazy to work, i hope i can find better workplace who not fullfiled by people like this.
most of them hide behind religion, always said " god will do this...... , god will do that...., in the name of y***e" i feel sorry for this god, for having people like this :lol:
i hope people like this will gone from earth :angrydevil:
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