Musings of Witches and Those Who Love Them

[Heidi]

People who visit my house regularly (including my teachers) are used to seeing glasses of water or alcohol as well as things like fruit and sugar being left at (seemingly) random places in my apartment. The difficult thing is to train them to not drink that water, or eat that fruit (it's better to hear me screaming "NOOOOOOO DON'T EAT THAT!!!!" than learning that lesson from the spirit whose offering they ate, believe me!).

One of my best friends is very afraid of anything supernatural, so she's really terrified when it comes to touching any kind of jewellery or gemstone in my apartment. She always asks "is that a real bracelet? Can I touch it?" while looking at whatever it is like it's gonna grow fangs and bite her.

Conversation with a teacher:
Him: Why is there a glass of water next to what looks like a....pussy encased in plastic? Among your CDs???
Me: It's an offering.
Him: To a pussy????? *laughs*
Me: Hey, don't insult the pussy! It's a thai amulet, it contains human remains.
*teacher stays away from CD case*

I've also had a conversation that went like that:
Friend: "What kind of ground herb is that?"
Me: "Eh, sweetie...that's dried menstrual blood."
Friend: *drops glass container*
Me: *cleans broken glass from the floor* "Great, thank you for doing that! It was no trouble getting that at all, I was so looking forward to repeating the process!"

The best part is when a friend asks me if there's a magical solution of some kind to a problem they're having with someone (usually someone they want to drive away). When I tell them "could you get a hair from them?" they somehow always assume I mean pubic hair (I blame TV for that). No I don't want your supervisor's pussy hair (if she even has any) to get her fired for treating everyone badly, unless you want to achieve that by having sex with her and sending the recording to your boss.

Then there's that one time on Halloween, when I showed up at my best friend's door, covered in honey and dirt and holding a spoon in my mouth (wrong end was in my mouth) cause I was disassembling some honey jars when I had to run up a muddy, slippery hill to run away from a huge dog that wasn't even chasing me. Said friend lives with her parents, who also happened to have guests at the moment. So yeah, that didn't go very well.

I also suppose at least some of my neighbors are curious to know why I have a kitchen pot with multiple perfume bottles in it on my balcony some nights of the month.

[User3246]

I recently had the handyman and his assistant come in to replace a malfunctioning air conditioner. My Vampyre Altar was in the way, complete with a skull and roses print altar cloth, A Labradorite grinning skull, several other stones, and a big ass Damascus steel hunting knife with a 13 inch blade. Oh, and black and silver candles.
Me: "Oh, let me move that!"
Workmen: *silence* and Hispanic assistant looks pale
Me: *grins*
Apartment Office the next morning: "You know our Handyman is 68! His apprentice quit! Did they argue or something?"
Me: *shrugs*, looking guilty.

[venusundae]

this is so funny, thank you for starting this thread! i love getting to see people have a sense of humor about stuff like this, it wears me out sometimes when everyone takes themselves so seriously all the time. like i can have respect for the craft and spirits while still having a lil fun every once in a while.

the other day some pals of mine were talking about ghosts and stuff and i recalled how the house we used to live in had a resident spirit stuck there named johnathan. my mom and i had begun starting to get to know him before our landlady upped the rent to a price we couldn't afford and we had to leave that house. but we asked johnathan if he wanted to stay there or come w us, since we felt we had a nice connection w him but just hadn't gotten to explore it quite yet. he agreed to hang around for a while, and attached himself to my mom.

i eventually pulled out the line "yea, i used to have a haunted house. now i just have a haunted mom!"

which i thought was funny, but didn't realize just how uncommon it was until hearing my friends' rounds of shocked "oh my god!" in response lmao